Wanting it

I want to share this with you.

This all started with an email from Dave, my trainer at Grinder Gym.  He sent me an email wishing me a Happy Birthday and hopes to see me soon.  He asked to let him know what he can do to help make me feel special on my special day.  I responded with asking for tips to help me get my butt out of bed in the morning.  His response??  “It comes down to knowing why you want it.”
Needless to say, I’ve work shopped this for quite some time…really looking into it and, just this morning, I finally gave in 100% and allowed myself to feel it.  Here is my response to him:

So I've really taken a look on why I "want it"...

I have all the typical answers:
·         Role Model for my family
·         Stronger during pregnancy (no I'm not preggers...yet)
·         Stronger when having babies/toddlers running around
·         Easier to lose the 'baby weight'
·         Look better in my clothes
·         Look better with my clothes off
·         More energy
·         To be happier

I rejoined Grinder because it is where I have seen the best results in the past. Not only that, but I enjoy the workouts and getting hugs from you are an added bonus. ;)

I came to the realization a few weeks ago that I didn't want to put a number on what I wanted my 'goal weight' to be. I remember saying to myself, "I'll just work out until I'm happy". And then I thought, "but I am happy". That took the stress off of feeling like I HAVE to work out. Instead, I WANT to work out.

My excuses at the moment are:
·         I don't want to get up early in order to work out
·         If I go to bed earlier to make the AM class, I won't see Steven as much (he works evenings)
·         I keep creating something so I am unable to work out (ie: foot hurting, sinuses hurting/not being able to breathe, knees hurting, etc)

I was actually talking to my husband this morning about this...I always felt that being smaller attracted negative things/people to me. I realized that isn't true at all. That's just a major made up story that I have replayed in my head time and time again. The thing is, I met Steven when I weighed 174 pounds (my smallest over the past 8 years). He is the best thing that I have allowed into my life. I have since rejected all other negative sources around me and my intention is to always be surrounded by the positive. Being smaller has nothing to do with who/what I allow into my life, negative or positive.

So I thank you for stating "It comes down to knowing why you want it". I know that my body is my buddy and that I am capable of doing whatever it is that is presented in front of me.

I want to work out more because I enjoy working out. After working out I am more vulnerable/loving and put myself out there more. I want to work out in the morning as it sets my day up to be successful. I am a better person all around...physically, emotionally, spiritually…  I'm already happy, but why settle for that when I know I can be even happier and more excited about what life has to offer???? Obviously seeing your face is part of that.

Oh the possibilities!!! I'm not working out to lose weight. I am working out to be able to show up and be more present in my life.

Thanks again Dave. I love you!!

See you tomorrow.





Instead of having resolutions for 2013, I've decided to have GOALS instead.  I will be sure to have monthly check ins here.  Thinking the 15th of every month since 15 is my favorite number and it's in the middle of the month (already in my calendar!), so if I haven't been productive, it's a good reminder to get my hinney into gear!   :)

Here are my goals for 2013 and how I am going to hold myself accountable:
  • Continue to get into shape (Down 13 pounds so far since starting in Aug!  Not the results I really want, but I guess they are since that's what my results are.  Been up and down since, but as long as I keep making progress, I'm good.) ~
    • Keep checking in with my accountability partners, especially when I need help!  (This has been a lifesaver for me!!)
    • Wear my pedometer everyday and get my 12,000+ daily steps
    • Weekly weigh-ins and monthly measurements taken
    • Join at least one Challenge Group at a time (currently in one).
    • Post events/fails/successes on blog!
  • Take more pictures ~
    • I have a camera phone for a reason.  Just because I don't have one of my cameras with me, doesn't mean I shouldn't take the pics. :)
    • Post some on blog!
  • Write more in my blog than in 2012 and 2011 ~
    • I figure since I only blogged once in 2012 (wow), I would aim to write more than in 2011 as well.  So...as long as I write more than 38 times, I'm good.  :)
    • Schedule time to write.  Having this in my calender has helped and I hope this continues to help me
  • Wear more Dresses (1X/wk) ~
    • I love to wear dresses.  I just don't wear them.  This is going to change!!  I've accomplished this already this year and feel it will be easy to keep up with. 
    • Post outfits on blog! (this will help me to not wear the same thing every week!  LOL)
  • Sew!
    • Put on calender 'time to Sew' (Done...once a month, but if I do it more often, good for me!)
    • Post projects on blog! 
  • Create Meaningful Relationships ~
    • Reconnect with old friends who are valuable...and tell them that they are valuable
    • Write Thank You cards
    • Make new friends
    • Find ways to connect to coworkers besides work
  • Really discover OB ~
    • I love my little beach neighborhood full of all kinds of local vendors and new possibilities
    • Post new (and old) discoveries on my blog
  • Read at least 1 book per month ~
    • I have a FULL list of books I want to read.  I love to read and miss it dearly.  I have scheduled time everyday, even if it's only for 10 minutes, to read.
    • I pledged not to add another book to my "must read" list until I have checked one off!
    • Post when I finish a book on my blog and talk about it.
  • Come up with at least 1 new goal per month ~
    • Post on blog with my monthly check in. :)
  • Be Happy ~
    • Accomplishing the goals listed above I know will have me be accountable on this one. :)

Well...there they are! :)  What are your goals for 2013 and how will you be holding yourself accountable?  I would love to hear them.  Comment or email me if you want. :)

Happy January!!

Love Love



I sit here a different person.  A person who is making decisions in her own life.  A person who is taking responsibility for her actions.  A women who is now someone she wants to be around.  Why?  Because I now have positive intentions about myself.

Those of you who know me, you know me as a 'positive person'.  Someone who is always 'seeing the greener side'.  Someone who 'turns a negative into a positive'.  I was that way...for other people.  I wasn't that way for me. 

I use to ask a lot of questions...A LOT, just ask my husband...lol.  I have always been indecisive.  ALWAYS...since way back before whenever I can remember.  I'm sure I was in my past lives as well.  Maybe not all of them, but you get what I'm saying.  ;) 

I always made sure I was doing whatever it was to make others happy.  Whatever I needed to do to please whomever it was that needed something.  I didn't want them to be inconvenienced or feel left out.  The one thing I was doing was leaving myself out.  I am now taking responsibility for that.  Missing out on so many things...real friendships...putting effort in things that I believe in...things that I want...

I've read lots of 'self development' books, taken workshops, etc, but all the work that I've been doing hadn't clicked with me until Monday, December 3rd, 2012.  The weekend before, I took a class about me.  A Discovery Course that changed my life. 

I learned so much about myself...I learned to genuinely give myself permission to love myself.  To support myself.  To be present...to show up in life.  To really make that difference.  For me.

I realize that I have all I need...all the tools...all the support...all the love...all inside of me.  I am in control of my happiness and I am finally happy.  :)  I am learning that me being happy causes a chain reaction.  My favorite response thus far???  My husband...the fact that he is ECSTATIC that I no longer ask what he wants for dinner and how he wants it made.  I just make it.  For the first time ever, I open the refrigerator and know what goes together...it comes to me effortlessly.  And this is just the tip of the changes that have been going on these past few weeks.

Finally...I get it.  :D 

More to come.  :)