Wanting it

I want to share this with you.

This all started with an email from Dave, my trainer at Grinder Gym.  He sent me an email wishing me a Happy Birthday and hopes to see me soon.  He asked to let him know what he can do to help make me feel special on my special day.  I responded with asking for tips to help me get my butt out of bed in the morning.  His response??  “It comes down to knowing why you want it.”
Needless to say, I’ve work shopped this for quite some time…really looking into it and, just this morning, I finally gave in 100% and allowed myself to feel it.  Here is my response to him:

So I've really taken a look on why I "want it"...

I have all the typical answers:
·         Role Model for my family
·         Stronger during pregnancy (no I'm not preggers...yet)
·         Stronger when having babies/toddlers running around
·         Easier to lose the 'baby weight'
·         Look better in my clothes
·         Look better with my clothes off
·         More energy
·         To be happier

I rejoined Grinder because it is where I have seen the best results in the past. Not only that, but I enjoy the workouts and getting hugs from you are an added bonus. ;)

I came to the realization a few weeks ago that I didn't want to put a number on what I wanted my 'goal weight' to be. I remember saying to myself, "I'll just work out until I'm happy". And then I thought, "but I am happy". That took the stress off of feeling like I HAVE to work out. Instead, I WANT to work out.

My excuses at the moment are:
·         I don't want to get up early in order to work out
·         If I go to bed earlier to make the AM class, I won't see Steven as much (he works evenings)
·         I keep creating something so I am unable to work out (ie: foot hurting, sinuses hurting/not being able to breathe, knees hurting, etc)

I was actually talking to my husband this morning about this...I always felt that being smaller attracted negative things/people to me. I realized that isn't true at all. That's just a major made up story that I have replayed in my head time and time again. The thing is, I met Steven when I weighed 174 pounds (my smallest over the past 8 years). He is the best thing that I have allowed into my life. I have since rejected all other negative sources around me and my intention is to always be surrounded by the positive. Being smaller has nothing to do with who/what I allow into my life, negative or positive.

So I thank you for stating "It comes down to knowing why you want it". I know that my body is my buddy and that I am capable of doing whatever it is that is presented in front of me.

I want to work out more because I enjoy working out. After working out I am more vulnerable/loving and put myself out there more. I want to work out in the morning as it sets my day up to be successful. I am a better person all around...physically, emotionally, spiritually…  I'm already happy, but why settle for that when I know I can be even happier and more excited about what life has to offer???? Obviously seeing your face is part of that.

Oh the possibilities!!! I'm not working out to lose weight. I am working out to be able to show up and be more present in my life.

Thanks again Dave. I love you!!

See you tomorrow.



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